Is it EVER going to get easier?


I am sitting here during my lunch hour at work contemplating how my husband and I are going to deal/handle yet another “drama” with our daughter Olivia. Just when I think there’s hope, the mask comes off and here comes reality looking at me in the face. So, I decided to type up a contract that basically lists what she is grounded from, lists why she’s grounded and how she can get all her privileges back. One of the items on the list was that I decided to turn off Olivia’s phone until her father and I see changes in her and that she is focused on what’s important, like school!  I understand she’s a “typical teenager” but, after a while, that phrase just doesn’t cut it anymore. That excuse has been overused. I am now ready for the phone call from her as to why her phone was turned off and of course “why”? I have to get ready for yet another battle of “raising teens”.

I am hoping this “contract’ will help Olivia get back on track. She has too many “distractions” and its my job and her dad’s to eliminate them and get her focused.

I wish there was a book that could give you the answers whenever we had issues with our teenagers because raising them is not getting any easier as they get older!

So parents of teens, I ask you.. “Is it EVER going to get easier?”

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8 Responses to Is it EVER going to get easier?

  1. Howard says:

    Believe it or not, it does eventually get easier. And with little luck they eventually actually do become “human.” For those teens who are lucky enough to have an iphone, there’s a great new iphone app that I just love called “Call Your Mother- She Worries”. It reminds kids to call their mother (or father) at a preset time. Its a comical app with different Mom voices, but one that will be appreciated by parents. (Parents can gift this app to their kids to be downloaded onto their iphones.)

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I found this post because I told my 18 year old son I was shutting off his phone and that he needed to improve his attitude. Stupid decisions I guess are par for the course with teenagers… but to be treated with contempt and disrespect… that has put me over the edge. I have seen it for years with his friends and the way they speak to their mothers but that was never my son… until now. I was looking for advice because I am not sure that withdrawing support is the right way to go. But I don’t really have any other recourse because grounding is not really an option with an 18 year old who is done with high school and about to graduate. As for Mominthesprings, it sounds like the contract is a great idea. I think it is the best really because it makes it clear what is expected and what your teen has to do. And, what they earn in return. Did it work? I am not sure my son will get it once the phone goes off. I really hope he does see that I mean it… the phone will just be the first thing to go.

    • mominthesprings says:


      Being a parent is not easy and I am finding it gets harder every day. Stay strong and dotn give up. The contract did work but now we have “upgraded” to shutting OFF the phone and THAT gets INSTANT attention.
      I find it that when you take everything away, are they really getting it? I talk to other moms and they agree, it’s basically trial and error. Finding out what works and makes an impact on them. We decided not to allow our daughter not take the test for her drivers permit. It meant the world to her but, she is too irresponsible and that would make an impact on her and it did. Hold your ground even as you see them upset and hurting. They will never learn if we give in. Basically, we are in defensive mode all the time. Lastly, Sit down with them and really “talk” with them. No lecuture. I wish you good luck and keep following the blog! Look forward to hearing from you.

  3. Laura Lamere says:

    How’s it going? I’ve just read this post and the comments – all tough decisions! Talking with your teens is the best thing – but they need to know you are really listening and understand them. I’m wondering what your kids are doing for extra-curricular activities? It’s not only important to discipline, but also to support their interests and activities. They need to know they are supported and that we are a part of their lives in all they do. Sometimes I think we get back the expectations we project on them.

  4. Ali Pilling says:

    Yes, don’t despair, it will get easier, if that is what you really want!
    I am a mother of a 21 year old daughter, and two sons 18 and 14.
    My best tips:- 1. Communication is key. Try and encourage calm, open communication. Try and communicate according to what is important to them. What are their interests, their hobbies, what do they love to talk about, spend their time, read, think about? 2. Love and appreciate them for who they are and they will become who you love. Know that they can only be themselves. 3. Reflect back to the days when you were growing up as a teenager, it wasn’t that easy, and there are weigh more challenges for them now a days (and for us parents too) 4. Encourage them to get a part-time job and start growing in financial independence, this will help them grow in emotional independence too. 5. Don’t beat yourself up as a parent, there are no mistakes and I bet you are doing a far better job than you give yourself credit for. 6. If they are upset, angry don’t mirror there behaviour. 7. Know that you can’t change anyone. The only person you can change is yourself. The world is a reflection of how you see yourself. Love yourself more and you will love others more. Love others more and you will love yourself more. Just apply this philosophy to your teens. For me it has been transformational. 7. We are not their friend we are their parent. They need us to set boundaries and protect them, just do it in away that allows them to be their own free spirit. They have their own path, their own journey it might be the complete opposite to ours! Try and let them be who they truly are and empower them to become the best version of ‘themselves’ and live to their full potential. They say we are all here for a reason, as a parent it is exciting to observe them grow and let them discover their own purpose. Guide and step aside and watch how much better your relationship with your teen grows and develops. Remember if you want something in your life to change, change something in your life, otherwise you will just get the same.
    This works for me!
    All the very best!

    • Lena Sheffield says:

      Well written. It is easy to get caught up in power struggles. Do you want your child to look back and say my parent(s) had fair rules and stuck by them or I was always grounded as a kid? Consequences work best when they guide, not punish. Also be attentive that the struggles may need more than behavioral interventions. Repeated violations could be a sign of other problems within the family that can respond better to short term therapy instead of escalating punishment.

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