Mother and Daughter BFFs

I think of my daughter as my BFF. There, I admitted it!

The realization hit me when my daughter went out of town with friends last weekend. I moped around the whole time.

I bet the “parenting experts” are horrified. But I think I’m no different than most mothers. I’m part of a generation who want to stay young, think young and bond with our daughters in a way that’s different from how our moms bonded with us.

I have plenty of my own friends, but now that my daughter is a teenager, she’s become a pal. She will watch the newest chick flick with me and indulge in my favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream. She’s even up for jogging a mile with me at a moment’s notice.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m close with my husband and sons and I enjoy spending time with them. It’s just different with my girl.  Something has happened in my generation that has changed the dynamics of the mother/daughter relationship.  We, 40-something mothers of teens, feel hip and work a little harder than our moms did to feel that way.  We’re part of the 40-is-the-new-30 generation and we enjoy hanging out with our daughters.  We have a lot in common.

To me, the key to making your daughter your BFF is knowing where to draw the line.  We all know moms who try so desperately to be cool that forget to be a parent. I know that I’m mom and when it comes to setting rules and limits, I’m capable of doing it. I don’t dress like my daughter’s twin (I have bought the same shirt but I’d never wear it on the same day!) I don’t let my daughter speak to me with disrespect. But I do confide in my daughter the way I do my friends, and occasionally I struggle with just how much to confide.

I love this posting on The Friendship Blog: The mother/daughter relationship is so much more comprehensive than a best friendship. It’s a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. This unique bond doesn’t mean that when daughters mature they can’t assume more responsibilities and give back to their mothers, but it’s never equal and it’s not supposed to be. Mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. Mother always “trumps” friend.

What do you think about today’s mother/daughter relationship? Can a mother be a daughter’s BFF and still be a good mom?

Me and my pal


About raisingteensblogger

I'm a crazed mother of three, Journalist, PTA volunteer. I aspire to be as cool as Kelly Ripa, as fit as Gwyenth Paltrow and as carefree as Lucille Ball.
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8 Responses to Mother and Daughter BFFs

  1. I don’t know about BFF, but even at 13 my daughter shares my sense of humor in a way that other members of the household do not. Does this mean she has carte blanche to raid my closet, steal my makeup and wear my new shoes before I do? She seems to think so.


  2. Charlene says:

    Cindy and Raquel,
    Congrats on the new blog. I love it!
    Preparing for what lies ahead with my girls.

  3. I think there should be a new term other than BFF when it comes to the mother/daugher relationship. A ‘friend” would not be able to demand that a rule be followed or be able to discipline another “friend”. A mom can do both. The respect I expect from my daugher is not one I would expect from a ‘friend” although, there are areas that overlap. She cannot talk to me in the same way that she does with her ‘friends”. At the end of the day no matter how chummy we are with our daughters, we must not trick ourselves into thinking we are on the same level with them. Although I feel closer to my 17-year old daughter than I ever was with my mother when I was that age, and I value our relationship, I don’t think of myself as her bff. That is not my role to fill.

  4. robin and shelby says:

    We LOVE you guys and love this article!

  5. carole says:

    My daughter is 16 and we get along great as a mother daughter team.She was never baptized as an infant due to her being born a premmie and had issues for the first year,then other things cropped up so it was put off untill last year when she was 15.Since we are catholic,she was she should wear all white for her baptism.I told her we could have a dress made out of my wedding gown and she said yes by all means and i was thrilled.My gown was very poofy and we took it to a seamstress and had her measured.she wanted the dress a little above the knees so the women made it that way.with the material left over i had her make a baptism bonnet to match the dress.the dress looked cute and was quite poofy.i told the daughter i wanted her to wear the lace anklets and white ‘Mary janes’ with the dress and bonnet and she agreed.To further add to her symbolization of purity and innocence,i told her i wanted her to wear a cloth diaper and plastic pants[rubber pants] under the dress with a tee shirt and she went along with it so i had the seamstress make her a cloth diaper and then i got diaper pins and a pair of white adult size rubber pants and the tee shirt.the morning of her big day,i dressed her in the out fit and she looked very cute and infant like for her baptism.I was so happy and thrilled she wore my wedding gown made into her baptism dress and was very special to me and her.for her first communion two months later,she wore a communion dress and veil with the lace socks and the mary janes and she wore her baptism diaper and rubber pants under the dress.

    • clarice a. says:

      Yes! I am catholic,and at our parish it is a strong tradition for the preteen and teen girls to wear the poofy white,short sleeve,top of the knees baptism dress with a matching bonnet,lace anklets or white tights and white ‘mary jane’ shoes and the traditional white cloth diaper with rubberpants over it and either a white camisole or tee shirt as their top.This past easter vigil,there were girls as old as 18 that were in the traditional outfits and all of them looked very pure and innocent for their baptisms.

  6. dorie k says:

    To carole-we are planning on baptizing our 15 year old daughter on easter sunday of next year,2015.she is going to wear the cute,poofy white,top of the knees dress,with the bonnet,tights and white shoes.i am doing a cloth diaper and rubberpants under the tights and want to know where you got your daughters rubberpants?

  7. Dianne L. says:

    To dorie and carole-When my 16 year old daughter was baptized back in june,she wanted to wear the poofy white dress and bonnet with the lace anklets and white patent leather shoes.She then told me was going to wear a disposable diaper under her dress and told me to get a pair of plastic pants to wear over it,so i did.I fully supported her in her choice and was happy to have her in the outfit for the day.when she makes her First holy communion next may,she will wear her baptism dress again with a veil and the lace anklets and the shoes and will have the plastic pants over a cloth diaper this time,just like the little girls.

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